Opus’ comic on Sunday, May 14th contributed what, to me, is a great new way to refer to the “dead tree media”, as he deals with a young person so tech-involved that he may know the News, but doesn’t know the Paper…

In recent months, I have become an on-line acquaintance of some of the bestest artist/writers in the field of Webcomics. I will be giving them props here in the blog in the near future, right after I give props to my favorite Bloggers, some of whom I’ve known since the previous millennium. In the meantime, something in one of those comic strips that are printed on crispy kleenex has gotten my attention.

One of my favorites in that category is “Frazz”, about a grammar school janitor who’s better at teaching life lessons to the kids than the teachers. I consider it one of the best-written comics for its mix of wry humor, philosophy and playful positivity (incredibly without ever getting over-sweet – a rare accomplishment).
It’s often compared to “Calvin and Hobbes” (a high honor by itself), but mostly for its visual style – look at this composite picture of Calvin and Frazz both “rockin’ out” (No, the two characters have never actually shared a comic panel; that’s just me playing with my graphic thingy again). As a result, some comic strip critics have suggested that Frazz himself is a grown-up version of Calvin. If that were true, then Frazz has learned a lot since his childhood, most notably to leave fantasy behind. There isn’t a spaceship, T-Rex or talking tiger anywhere near Frazz’s environment. There is one kid in the strip, Caulfield, who is Calvin-esque in his ability for mischief; he might just build sadistic snowman tableaux IF it ever snowed where he lived. Frazz gives Caulfield a lot of personal attention, working in a non-controntational way to nudge him into more maturity – maybe he sees in him some of his own past mistakes. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I have just seen the first thing in “Frazz” that seems to be a blatant copy of “Calvin and Hobbes”. If you remember C&H, then you must remember the chaotic sport called Calvinball (If not, click on that link for the “official” “rules”). On May 1st, “Frazz” introduced a new sport that he and the kids called Bedlamball. And for four days of strips, it was deja vu all over again.

(At least there was no mention of flags or masks.) After these four strips, Frazz artist Jef Mallett wisely moved on to another subject before the World Calvinball League could call its lawyers… Then again, for all I know, Bill Watterson himself may have contacted Mallett and said “you know, there were a couple things about Calvinball I never got around to…”

For those of you wondering, yes, I am eagerly awaiting a C&D from Frazz’s syndicate.

Many comical comics, web-and-newspaper-based, have been making me smile lately… Dan Piraro’s “Bizarro” is awfully hard to find on the web (but the Washington Post site has the last two weeks worth), but this one is extra-good:
Which reminds me of a classic interchange from Albert Brooks, on a ficticious radio talk show taking questions from a caller:

Caller: “What’s the most important thing in comedy?”

Albert:”Ask me again.”

C: “What’s the most important thing i…”

A: “Timing!”

C: “But what about delivery?”

A: “Oh, you can pick it up yourself.”

C: “Lemme write that down… pick.. it… up… yourself…”

In other Bizarro-sity, here’s something firing on two levels:
Yes, I know it’s a flawed analogy, since it’s so unlikely that new DNA evidence would ever be of any value, unless you’re shaving someone else’s beard.

Maybe a twelve-blade Anonymous Razor with one blade for each of the Twelve Steps.

A seven-deadly-sin-blade razor would be dangerous and cool.

Or a Shakespearian Seven-Ages Blade Razor:
Blade 1, the Infant, “mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms”
Blade 2, the Schoolboy, “creeping like snail unwillingly to school”
Blade 3, the Lover, ” sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad to his mistress’ eyebrow”
Blade 4, the Soldier, “full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard”… oops, I guess that falls apart there.

Here’s an unusual Internet-themed “Boondocks”:

And I am so relieved that Hollywood (and specifically Dreamworks Animation) couldn’t ruin “Over the Hedge”, one of my favorite strips for years (and yes, Bruce Willis turned out to be a pretty good raccoon). But since the movie came out, the newspaper version AND its main animal characters have seemed more daring, and the observations on humanity more accurate than ever.

“It’s to keep their fears in.”

Finally, the always entertainingly obnoxious “Pearls Before Swine” with one that was obviously written just for bloggers like WendellWit.com…
Yeah, me neither.

If you ever thought comic books were the only ones to “retcon*”, here’s an example that even Charles Schulz did it in “Peanuts”, via a 1960-something ‘Classic Peanuts’ strip that re-ran recently.

But wait a minute! What about Spike?

And Andy and Olaf and Belle and Marbles and Molly and Rover, all his other siblings from the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm? It’s hard to explain what was going through Snoopy’s canine mind at the time. Could it be that he, like his hiphop namesake, used certain substances? It was during that same period that, as a punchline, he defiantly declared “I ain’t no beagle!”

Still, it’s good to know that someone has taken all the bits and pieces from various strips to assemble The Complete Text of Snoopy’s Novel. I don’t usually weblish spoilers, but I have to say that the final line, “More importantly, he had learned about life,” is a thought I’ve kept with me to this day.

*Retcon: ‘Retroactive continuity’, deliberately changing previously established facts in a work of serial fiction.

I have hesitated writing about comic artist/writer Francesco Marciuliano, mostly because of extreme anxiety over the spelling of his name. That’s also why I rarely write about Bollywood stars, 17th century philosophers or Republican California Governors and Democratic California Governor Candidates. Anyway, Mr. Marciuliano’s monniker appears on two strikingly different examples of comic strippiness, the long-running syndicated office/family strip Sally Forth (which he writes while a co-conspirator draws, and another guy created but he ran off screaming a few years ago), and the web-based random pop-culture strip Medium Large.

Before I do anything else, let me openly admit that my seemingly groundbreaking theory about the B.C. comic strip turns out to be very similar to a concept Mr. Marciuliano had explored in Medium Large last November. But then, I was in the middle of moving from North Hollywood to San Luis Obispo at the time and can not properly remember ANYTHING from those few weeks.

The Satirical Pop Culture * Humor of Medium Large is definitely my cup of tea (although “Teenage Girl President” is a running joke that has been run into the ground; since it started out “on the WB”, I’m hoping it’ll be retired along with the network). But a recent story arc was definately Shark-Jumping territory.

Now I personally believe that comics like Medium Large should avoid any kind of story-arcing whatsoever. I got a small knot in my stomach when Dinosaur Comics rolled “Captain Suggestable” over for two strips. Savage Chickens could never follow the adventures of regular characters, because, frankly, all the chickens look alike! And do readers of Wondermark want to see it turn into “Dilbert with God as the Pointy-Haired Boss“? I think not. In the “krispy kleenex” world of newspaper comics, Non-Sequitur does a double-somersault shark flip every time it changes gear from random single-panel gags to the adventures of the annoying Danae (a juvenile character who I fear will grow up, marry Calvin, and make his life a living hell after Hobbes mauls her pony Lucy). Webcomics that successfully combine a gag-a-day and a complex ongoing story are a totally different species. (And like the title character in Schlock Mercenary, they’re not always pretty.)

So here’s the story, so far: a madcap, gratuitously violent robot known as T.O.D.D. (In all my searches through the Medium Large archives, I have never found out what T.O.D.D. stands for) has, through questionable means, adopted a human son. They are recurring characters in a running joke. I can deal with that. They’re funnier than the 100th episode of “Teenage Girl President”. Meanwhile, a couple of alien entities that look like Contac capsules have come to earth to provide one earthling with ‘the ring of ultimate power’. The first gag based on that is a bi-lingual hoot. The second one I thought was going to kill the running joke. Then they encounter T.O.D.D., in the ML universe, the worst possible being to be given such extreme power. Panic ensues. Hilarity ensues. Then, apparent total destruction! We wait out the weekend. Then it gets weird. We find ourselves in the universe of Sally Forth, not all that surprising since Marciuliano has made fun of his ‘day job’ before. But, in homage to the series finale of Bob Newhart’s second series, Sally’s husband Ted declares that all of Medium Large was a dream! (Fortunately, Sally’s response is priceless.) But it’s not over yet… suddenly Sally & Ted find themselves in an indoor snowstorm and we are jerked suddenly into an homage to the series finale of “St. Elsewhere”! Now, I am very publicly on record that I don’t like gimmick endings and Marciuliano has just invoked TWO of the most gimmicky. Not only that, but this whole series is giving off the distinct “I’m quitting this thing” vibe. Fortunately, in the next strip, ML’s “President of Programming” Cheryl Haskwell (another recurring character) takes charge and confronts the alien ‘pill-heads’ who tell her they were a deus ex gimmickia intended to freshen up comic strips that have fallen into a rut. (But… ML wasn’t in a rut!) Then they depart with a warning (and a few shots at other comics), and ML returns to what passes for normal there. Okay. That’s good. Just don’t let it happen again. As I said before, Medium Large does not need a story arc, especially one that leads impressionable young’uns like me to believe the strip is ending.

A side-note: the ‘pill-heads’ said they were going next to visit Garfield, to return the MIA character Lyman to the strip and make him the main character. Of course, true comic-obsessives (who, me?) know that the webcomic Melonpool has already explained what happened to Lyman (and also Calvin’s Uncle Max… and others). But it seemed oddly coincidental that right after that, Garfield began a two-week storyline that ended with the biggest event in the strip since the fat cat spent a week in Hell in ‘89 – Jon getting kissed by Veterinarian Liz. (Although I have problems with the Liz character… doesn’t she know that collagen-inflated lips went out of style ten years ago?) Did the ML aliens have something to do with this? Wouldn’t Mr. Marciuliano like to take credit for this? (And how much credit do I get for mentioning his name 5 times without misspelling it? Hey, maybe I’ll blog about the California Governor’s race next week… Schwarz-en-egger… Ang-ile-des…)

One more thing: I’ve copied the following “summer movie” Sally Forth strips here because, well, King Features Syndicate is so tight-assed about letting its strips on the Intarweb. But look… it almost seems as if Marciuliano (6! Woohoo!) had put scripts for Medium Large in the wrong pile.

And hey, what’s with the solo byline up there? Does it mean our guy Francesco is doing both writing and drawing on Sally? Because he’s proven he can do it. (He could slip in unnoticed and take over half the comics he’s messed with on ML) And I’ve seen at least four different combinations of credits currently being used in different newspapers. Apparently nobody really knows who’s doing this strips… that’s what I call a golden opportunity. Sally, meet your new neighbor… T.O.D.D.

(hmmm… funny how that title works out…)

As any readers of this blog know, I only write about people who are more famous and successful than I am (which, really, is just about everybody), and I get a case of the 1960s -teenaged-Beatle-fan-screaming meemies whenever somebody I’ve written about responds to me (even when it’s only to correct my spelling). So I am especially tickled to get a comment from Francesco Marciuliano himself (Yes! Seven in a row!!!) Maybe someday I’ll be above it all, maybe when I’m rich and famous and under indictment for the things I did when I wasn’t rich and famous…. (maybe that’s where my fear of success is from).

Did you know that Brenda Starr is still around? And annoyingly contemporary? And looking way too good for 66 years old?

And regularly making fun of annoyingly well-chosen pop-cultural targets?

Yup, I’m old enough to remember when “fast food” meant you had to chase it before you could eat it…

I had to respond to a MetaFilter post about a writer claiming that “For Better or Worse” is “the best comic in the 111-year history of the modern newspaper strip”. (pardon if I’m repeating some points from previous blog posts here… I had to get it ALL together for the Filter) I think his description was a bit incomplete. “For Better or Worse” is the best Canadian comic strip ever. Although I must nod agreeably to one thing he said: “What’s the matter with Kansas?” But probably not for the same reason.So what is the Best Comic Strip ever? Let’s run down the usual suspects…

Obviously, “Calvin and Hobbes” should receive a lifetime achievement award for fulfilling a specific set of goals and quitting while you’re ahead.

“The Far Side”? I think “Bizarro” was always just as funny and it still is… and two other random one-panel comics, “Speed Bump” and “Reality Check” are not generally as good, but have had some great singular moments. If only “Non-Sequitur” would LOSE the regular characters…”

Best ’silly’ comic ever? “Frank and Ernest” (whose creator just passed away, but he’d left the comic to his son years ago).

Current single best comic strip: “Over the Hedge” (I cringed when they announced the movie, but even Bruce Willis couldn’t ruin it). The ‘animals commenting on human life’ theme is excellently done, but not overdone. The characters are well defined, unique, and funny, and their interaction works. I just wish they’d redesign Verne the Turtle’s face…

The “Charles Schulz Memorial We Know You’re Just Coasting But You’re Still Very Good” Award goes to “Dilbert”, with “Opus” a solid runner-up.

A big “Uh-Oh” to “Get Fuzzy” which is drifting into the realm of “Garfield but with bigger words and better art”. And “Pearls Before Swine” is no longer making it look easy – just last week it had a gag so bad, Rat went to Stephen Patsis’ desk with a gun and said “This is for your own good” (which I must admit was a far superior gag than the one he was responding to).
Best “Family Strip (because it’s a helluva lot more like families really are these days)” goes to “Foxtrot”.

Still, with “Hedge”, “Dilbert”, “Fuzzy”, “Pearls” and “Foxtrot” every day, plus “Frazz” (coolest school janitor ever) and “Candorville” (best strip with Black characters since “Boondocks” got boring) and “9 Chickweek Lane” (sexy toon females plus a madaman philosopher) and “Kudzu” (even though Rev. Will B. Dunn has pretty much taken over) and “Sherman’s Lagoon” (better than talknig animals – talking FISH!), you can fill a page with as many good daily laughs as I remember you ever could. (And I grew up when “Peanuts” was cool!) And that’s without throwing in the obligatory “Peanuts” reruns and still-uneven-after-all-these-years “Doonsbury”.

Then you just add all the good webcomics (and despite “Achewood’s” rep as the first big edgy webcomic, there are several others at least as good), and I, after taking careful consideration all the factors, pick as the ALL TIME GREATEST COMIC STRIP:

It’s Brenda Starr, which since Mary Schmick (the true author of “Wear Sunscreen”) has been writing it, has parodied Bill O’Reilly, American Idol. celebrity chefs in general and most recently “Gone With the Wind” with its current ‘Old Hollywood’ storyline. It’s so cool, the Comics Curmudgeon won’t touch it… (Seriously, the premiere blog dedicated to making fun of old-style comic strips has never commented on Brenda. That says a lot.)

And the artists won’t complain because it’ll give them a free plug and a link. I hope. Stay tuned for further updates.But I digress.

I could not remain silent when one of my all-time faves had not Jumped the Shark, but Jumped INTO the Shark, like this guy. And I don’t mean Schlock Mercenary, in spite of its current digression out of Space Opera into Creative Near-Death Experience, complete with knocking a hole in the “Fourth Wall” big enough to drive a Mothership through (Or maybe Nuking the Fourth Wall from Orbit). I am still fairly comfortably on board for this Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride With Alice in Wonderland From The Enchanted Tiki Room To The Haunted Mansion, but if comicker Howard Taylor detours into It’s A Small World, I’m going back to the front gate to demand a refund.

No, it wasn’t Schlock but one of may favorite Krispy Kleenex Komix that has served me up a massive disappointment on a shingle. The offender is 9 Chickweed Lane, the stylishly-drawn home of independent sexy women, a cat who doesn’t need to talk to show attitude, a madman philosopher in over-alls, and scenes from the seemingly un-comicky fields of Academia and Ballet. For some time, comicker Brooke McEldowney (whom I was disappointed to learn is a guy) has been brewing up one of the better “we’re gonna get nasty letters about this” plotlines about an emerging romance between a lapsed nun and a semi-lapsing priest. At the beginning of July, the whole Chickweediverse was shaken by a prediction from the madman philosopher that apparently the lapsing priest was taking very seriously.

At this point, the plotline slowed to an agonizing trickle, making room for a sitcom’s worth of misunderstandingsand arguments, AND taking a week off while the syndicate showed some surrealistic rerun strips from two years ago…

(Personally, I feared that the distributors had vetoed McEldowney’s storyline, or were at least trying to talk him out of it). After two long months, all the confusion had been de-confused and the disagreements agreed upon and the not-so-young lovers had decided to choose Love over God when, on the Saturday of a Labor Day weekend, when readership was sure to be at its lowest, Brooke hits us with this:

(Try to remain calm, Wendell, try to remain calm)
A FREAKING ASTEROID/HEMORRHOID PUN? THAT WAS THE ULTIMATE DRIVING FORCE BEHIND ONE OF NEWSPAPER COMICS’ MOST TABOO ROMANCES?

That hurts, Brooke, that really really hurts. It’s going to take a long time to forgive you for this. (And it’s why I have no qualms re-weblishing four of your strips without permission) It’s a good thing I ponied up for the “Comics Extra” so I can go back to 1993 and re-read your first Chickweeds, back when we were all a lot more innocent, and a lot less Hemorrhoidal.